The Noisy American

Merry Merry Joy Joy

To all my protestant friends, hope you have a Merry Christmas.  To all my other friends, hope you are happy just for the hell of it.

It's all about the Mall

Dubai must have more malls per capita than any other city on earth, and they're building more.  Not only are there a lot of malls here, but they are all quite special in their own way.  Many of them are 'themed'  The Wafi Center has an Egyptian motif complete with pyramids and towering statues and the Mercato Mall is an Italian city center.   The two newest malls carry on this fine tradition of disneying Dubai.  Ibn Battuta Mall is a sprawling place (my friend Rachel wants to rent out Segways) based on the travels of, you guessed it, Ibn Battuta.  There are five regions represented - China, India, Persia, Egypt and Tunisia.  Tunisia is my favorite, perhaps because I've never been there.  Here are a few pics I took today. 

BTW, I'm using a new method of uploading pictures.  Insha'allah, it will look fantastic and make my life easier.  If it looks like total crap, please forgive me.  It's 1:30 and I have to get up at 7, I doubt I'll be fixing it tonight.  (Anyone in UAE feel like giving cheap tutorials on how to do this properly feel free to contact me.) 

         

No, I don't know the woman between the two handsome alien beings. 

   

Ibn Battuta Mall even put on a bit of Xmas for us Westerners.  Of course, Santa was in Egypt - where else?

   

I love this guy in the second picture.  He must be thinking - What the f***?

The other new mall in UAE is the Mall of the Emirates.  It's not themed exactly, but it's definitly got a specialiality - Skiing!  Dubai's got to be the only place in the world where you can hit the beach and the ski slope within the space of an hour.  (In Sydney, you can do it in a day, but takes a bit of effort.)  The ski slope is really quite amazing.  There's a huge glass wall (with a few menacing cracks) where you can watch a winter wonderland - kids building snowmen, throwing snowballs and people skiiing.  Fantastic!  The whole section of the mall is done up in a ski lodgish kind of way with wood paneling and servers in white turtlenecks.

   

There was also a bit of an Xmas production on at Emirates. It's worth going to visit just to see the skating penguins and butt-surfing polar bear.  Couldn't get a shot as they're behind plastic which reflects badly. 

     

Spot the Front Page News

Which of the following 'news' items do you think made the front page of the Gulf News today?   

Saddam lashes out at US for confiscating watch
Saddam is angry because his new watch was taken away by prison authorities

Sa'ad: Syria trying to oust Beirut regime
Sa'ad Hariri (son of slain ex-premier Hariri) accuses the "terrorist regime" in Syria of trying to "topple" the government in Beirut.

Teaspoons have a mind of their own...
Teaspoons disappear more than other utensils according to research by the Macfarlane Burnet Institute for Medical Research and Public Health in Melbourne

Arabs need NOC to marry girls from Indian state
Arabs need a no-objection letter to marry girls from Andhra Pradesh. 

If you guessed all of them, you'd be correct.  Who knew teaspoons and watches had gotten so important? 

Face recognition

Found a fun program a few days ago, though I can't really vouch for it's accuracy.  It's photo recognition software that will compare your face with thousands of celebrities and find the people you most resemble.  Somehow I manage to look like all of these people.  Jean Seaberg?  I look like Jean Seaberg? 

And here are the lookalikes that were at my house last weekend. 

Rachael                 Darren                 Chris

What a party, huh? 

Check it out, it's a great party favor.  My Heritage.com

The Census

Well, I was censused tonight after hearing about it from everyone else for a few months.  Actually, about two months ago a man came to my door and asked me how many people were living in my apartment and what kind of job I had.  He had a pad and pencil with him and I just assumed that he was the census taker.  Now, I'm wondering who he was.  Casing out the joint?  The pre-census guy?  hmmmm.   

I was surprised at some of the questions that the actual census guy asked.  I expected to be asked about how many people were living in my flat, my marital status, and my job, education and country of origin, but I wasn't expecting to be asked my name and telephone number, whether I had a computer, whether I had an (additional?) wife in my home country, and my grandfather's name.  Now, why on earth would they need to know my grandfather's name?   hmmmm

I ended up doing the census not only for myself, but for my neighbors, as well.  Though, I, of course, didn't know their grandfather's name, that didn't seem to be so important.  I was also a bit hesitant about giving out others phone numbers so told the guy I didn't know them, but then the 'security' guard who was knocking on doors with him for some reason had all of our numbers.  hmmmm, again.

Not all students created equally

It's been quite a frustrating week at the uni this week.  Just when I think I've got a grasp on how to teach my guys, I'll have a couple of days when everything gets to me.  It's not that my students are bad people.  On the contrary, I think it'd be lovely to sit around and have a cup of coffee with them, but their study habits...whew.  It definitely takes some getting used to, and then some more.  I've taught students in China, Thailand and here, and I've taught a selection of Western students (as well as been one) when I was doing teacher training. The following comparison is very generalized.  It'd fail any anthropological evaluation and I can only pray that my former professors don't see it.  Of course, all students are not the same. I know that and you know that.   Having said that, here's my comparison.

                                                                               
                   

Western students	Chinese students	Thai   Students	Arabic students
feel embarrassed when they are   late and try to enter quietly and sit somewhere near the back of the room.	are never late.	will come to class 5 minutes late   and tell everyone how sorry they are, but...	walk into the class 5 - 15   minutes late, talking on the telephone.  Say hello to all their friends   and shake the teacher's hand.
do homework as quickly as   possible so they can go out and get drunk, or do it on the way to class the   next morning with a hangover.	will spend all night doing   homework, forsaking anything that seems remotely pleasurable.	will do homework with the help of   everyone in their social group.	homework?
will often challenge the teachers   ideas, sometimes purely for the sport of it.	believe everything the teacher   says, unless it is directly in opposition to their government or parents.	love to hear what the teacher has   to say.	think the teacher is quite   humorous.
like working independently, but   will work in groups when asked.	are fiercely competitive and have   real problems working in groups and sharing resources.	don't work alone, ever.	prefer working in a group,   especially if someone else is doing all of the work.
rewrite the information out of   texts using their own words, trying to collect a lot of quotes from different   sources so it looks like they read the books.	will copy information directly   out of a textbook.  It's already been written well once, there's no need   to write it again.	will write about something   totally different than what was assigned.	will copy information word for   word from another student who consistently scores lower than them on exams or   writing assignments.
hate getting caught cheating on   exams.	hate getting caught cheating on   exams.	hate getting caught cheating on   exams.	don't know why they can't share   information with the other members of their family, tribe, or city on exams.
will doodle or SMS their friends   when they get bored.	will fall asleep when they get   bored.	will talk with classmates about   what they did last night when they get bored.  Or ask the teacher what   he/she did last night.	will ask the teacher to finish   the class early every five minutes or so until the end of class.
will ask the teacher to clarify   directions for a task, want to know why they have to do it, and how many   pages, words, they are expected to produce.	will smile, nod and say they   understand when they have no idea what they are supposed to do.  They'll   then sit and stare at the task not doing anything until the teachers asks   them why they aren't working.	will smile, nod and say they   understand when they have no idea what they are supposed to do.  They'll   then sit and stare at the task not doing anything until the teachers asks   them why they aren't working.	will talk with classmates   throughout presentation of directions, then ask the teacher what to do.   This will happen for each section of the class.
will leave the mobile on vibrate,   answering only when it's an emergency and then being very discrete.	will turn off their phones when   asked, but occasionally forgetting.	will talk on the phone loudly and   explain to classmates what they are talking about.	will let the mobile ring (play a   song) and then loudly answer.  It's always "my father,   teacher."
want the teacher to respect them.	want the teacher to give them   good marks.	want to like the teacher.	want the teacher to like them.
are seen as butt kissers if they   help the teacher erase the board or carry books.	are seen as lazy dogs if they   don't help the teacher erase the board, etc.	want to use the opportunity of   erasing the board, etc to get to know the teacher.	isn't that what the teacher's   getting paid for?
like to discuss different aspects   of the topic.	like to listen to the teacher   discuss different aspects of the topic.	like to   talk	like to discuss anything other than   the topic - the teacher's plans for holiday, his/her last job, what they did   last weekend.

 

Detour

Inspired by this picture,

and the conversation that followed it on Adventures in Dubai.  Here's a picture that might really give you a shock. 

Global Village

Went to Global Village last night.  Global Village is a collection of Pavilions set up in the desert to promote goodwill between nations by showing that we all have something in common.  Excessive consumption.  Well, perhaps. We had a great time despite the cheesiness factor.  But for anyone that is truly offended by fake looking copies of world monuments, AVOID.  For example, if you hate Mercato Mall, you'll really hate the Global Village.  If, on the other hand, you enjoy kitsch on a grand scale, run don't walk there.  Well, actually you better drive, it's quite a ways out in the desert. 

One thing that was a bit disconcerting, though, was the selection of items for sale within each countries pavilions.  Quite often you can find the same thing in several pavilions.  Seems there could have been more of a focus on promoting each countries products as opposed to just filling up space.  The best pavilions (of the ones I saw) were from Yemen, Afghanistan and all of the African ones.  They all focused on products from their country.  The Chinese Pavilion was much better this year.  Last year the only thing for sale was cheap plastic trinkets, but there were many items from China this year.  I was a bit saddened by the Iraqi pavilion which looked as if it had been bombed with many of the animals crumbling off.  Was it intentional?  Certainly gave me a pang of guilt.  And I was also curious as to why all the Asian pavilions had neon signs?

Seems a little odd that Dubai has such a fascination with creating a world within the city.  Just another dichotomy in the city that has international aspirations coupled with local sensibilities.  What is the reasoning behind Ibn Battuta Mall, the new International City development, the MercatoMall and Global Village?  What do you suppose is behind this fascination?

a.  a genuine interest in foreign cultures
b.  a way to introduce nationals to the outside world
c.  a means to keep nationals from exploring the outside by suggesting that it's all here
d.  another way to make a buck

Whatever the reason, it's another stage in the disneyfication of Dubai.  Along with Wild Wadi, the ski slope and amusement park in Mall of the Emirates and assorted other projects, Dubai is becoming an adult Disneyland, an alcohol free Vegas.  Clean (sanitized), safe (relatively, though maybe not as much as the media would like us to believe), full of simulated fun and excitement.  Perhaps they ought to change the name.  How about or Disneybai or Las Dubai?

Here are some pics from the village.  BTW, avoid the Global Wheel.  It's 15 dhs and it only rotates two times.  But, by all means visit the "International Reptilt" exhibition and get your "immediate picture" taken with one of the massive snakes, ten dhs well spent.

Weekend Traveler - Bangkok II

So, you've got a seven day holiday and you just spent three or four days in Bangkok.  Craving the beach?  Well, you're in luck.  From Bangkok, there are four easily accessible beach areas.  (actually, there are dozens, but four that are well known.)  You can get to each of them in less than five hours, spend a couple of nights on the beach and then head back into Bangkok to catch your plane with no sweat.  (well, you might sweat a bit, bloody hot, you know.)

Hua Hin/Cha Am

Hua Hin was a small fishing village until the king and his entourage began holidaying there in the early 20th century.  The royals built a train line to make access easier and the tourist explosion began and continues unabated til today.  While it's still advertised as a fishing village on many websites and tour books, there is really no fishing to be seen and most of the town is geared toward Western tourists.  It's a bustling little beach city with a wide variety of accommodations, plenty of places to eat, a few nice walks and sites, a very clean and sizable beach area, a small (but growing) red-light district and an ever expanding amount of middle-aged and retired foreign tourists and expatriates.  It's becoming a hot retirement zone, especially for Europeans and even more especially for Germans.  Developers are quickly building and selling a number of  retirement properties.  If being surrounded by German tourists and retirees doesn't appeal to you, then this probably isn't the place for you. 

Cha am is about thirty minutes from Hua Hin.  It, apparently is frequented by Thais more than Westerners.  I can't give too much information on Cha Am as I've only been there for one afternoon, but the beach is not nearly as nice as the one at Hua Hin.  The beach is narrower than the one at Hua Hin and, at least when I was there, not nearly as clean. 

Accommodation

There is plenty of it and in every price range, from 5 USD a night guesthouses to 1000 USD a night. Unless it's a holiday weekend, you probably don't need to book ahead, but if you like feeling safe or hate dragging your bag around the streets in the hot sun, then check out one of the Hotel booking sites at the bottom.  Most of the cheaper guesthouses don't accept reservations online, but you might try calling them.  The cheapest guesthouses are found right off the beach on and around Naretdamri Road.  Most are clustered in the market downtown, but walking north along the road will bring you to a couple of places that are in a much quieter location right on the sea, with nice sea view restaurants, great for a sun downer dinner.  A large number of the mid-price range hotels are located in the red light district.  It looks quite normal during the day but comes alive at sundown. If this is not your cup of tea, be sure to scope out the area before checking in. 

Thai Hotels
Asia Rooms
Hotel Thailand

Transportation

There are buses leaving to Cha Am and Hua Hin throughout the day from the Southern Bus Station in Pinklao.  The bus station is a straight shot from Kao San Road, south on Ratchadamri Road, crossing the Chao Phraya. You can even take a bus there, if you are so inclined.  Buses 5 and 10 go directly to the bus station.  Get off the bus right after the u-turn in Pinklao, walk back about 20 meters and there you are.  Warning - the traffic heading into Pinklao is a nightmare during the evening rush hour.  Between 4 and 8 pm, it can take up to an hour and a half for what should be a 20 minute ride. During the morning and afternoon, it's not nearly as bad.   The bus takes about three to four hours to reach Hua Hin, depending on traffic and leaves you right in the middle of town. 

There are also daily trains from Hualompong station.  Hualompong has a subway stop so getting there is quite easy.  For the schedule and prices, look at seat 61.  It's a little bit slower on the train, but it's a nice ride. 

There are also minivans going from the major tourist centers throughout the day.  If you book a minivan from Koh San, be prepared to be squeezed in like a sardine and likely a delayed departure.

Getting around Hua Hin is easy.  Walk.  It's a very small town and you can walk everywhere.  There are also samlors available if you get tired of walking.  Most of them have a set price posted on the interior, but there are times when the driver will want to bargain or overcharge you.  Make sure to discuss the price before getting in.  If you take a samlor after midnight, be prepared to pay more.  If you want to do a little exploring outside of the town, you can rent a motorcycle or hire a taxi.  You will have to negotiate with all taxi drivers as they are not metered.   

Food

There is a great seafood market in the middle of town near the market.  You can't miss it.  For some reason, there is also a plethora of Italian restaurants.  There are also some German and hamburger restaurants, and several beer gardens.  If you want to eat cheaply, there is a street market on Pheketsam Road with a lot of street vendors.  In the same market are some very good Chinese restaurants.

Extra Time? 

Head out to Prachuap Khiri Khan.  It's about an hour from Hua Hin and is a very quaint and clean little town with a nice beach and very few Westerners. There is a bus from the Hua Hin station that can take you there.   Accommodation is limited there and I don't have the information on booking, but there are a few mid and high priced hotels in town, take a look around and you can find something.  Otherwise, head back to Hua Hin to spend the night. 

Pattaya

Pattaya is what many (too many) people think of when they think of Thailand.  It's a paradise for pedophiles and perverts.  Anything and everything is on display and for sale here.  There are bars catering to a variety of, shall I say, tastes in all shapes and sizes. Nightlife is king in Pattaya and everything is thumping and humping from sundown to close (sometimes 2, sometimes 4 depending on who's been paid off).  A night in Pattaya can feel like a week, flashing neon lights, noise, beckoning girls & boys, drunk tourists, alcohol consumption, traffic, horns, etc - generally just over stimulation.

Most people either hate it or love it.  Personally, I hated it the first time I went and swore I'd never go back.  Well 10 or so visits later and there are things that I actually like about the place.  It's definitely teeming with activity. There are some fantastic restaurants - Middle Eastern, European, and even Mexican (the only halfway decent Mexican restaurant I've found in Thailand.)  Accommodation is plentiful and cheap. Some of the bars are quite fun - check out Hollywood, and aside from the depressing aspect of the sex trade, the mood is always quite festive. 

Pattaya is divided into two sections - Pattaya city and Jomtien Beach.  Pattaya city is all about the nightlife and Jomtien is all about the beach.  I prefer staying on Jomtien because it's a bit less mad than Pattaya and the mid-range hotels seem a bit less seedy.  There are songtaews running between the two areas at all hours of the day and night.  During the day, the prices are set (10 baht when I was last there), but at night you have to negotiate and sometimes they get a little ridiculous with their rates.  I think that the drivers are very adept at reading tourists - i.e. the drunker you seem the more you'll get charged. 

Accommodation

There are too many places to even discuss here.  Check out Pattaya.com for prebooking or just show up.  There are plenty of options all over town.  In Jomtien, I usually stay at the Surf House or the  Marine Beach Hotel.  Both are around 500 baht (13 dollars) for a decent sized room facing the ocean.

The beaches are completely covered with folding chairs and umbrellas which will cost different prices depending on the season and the place.  Each place has a different crowd.  You'll see the family groups, the young couples, the straight males (look for flocks of young Thai girls), and the gay section (where you'll see all the young Thai males).  Be sure you don't sit in an inappropriate section or you may see things that you don't want to.  You can buy food from the umbrella boys or from vendors who walk around selling everything from dried squid to watches to sex massages.   Unlike some places, the vendors generally won't hassle you if you say no.

Transportation

You can catch a bus to Pattaya at the Eastern Bus Station (Ekamai) on Sukhumvit Road.  There is an BTS station right next to the station, so it's easy to find.  The bus takes from an hour and a half to three hours to reach Pattaya and then there is a taxi or motorcycles ride (another 20 - 30 minutes into town.)  The price is about 60 baht for the bus and another 20 for the taxi.  The disadvantage of the bus is that it can take an hour or more just to get out of Bangkok.   There's also a train, but the times are not very good.  There are also dozens of minivans going from all the touristed areas of Bangkok.  You can also book a private taxi if you feel rich or just can't wait to get there.  The cost should be around 1500 baht (35 USD).

Koh Samet

Koh Samet is an island about three hours from Bangkok.  It's a pleasant enough locale with plenty of different beaches to choose from.  On the island, there's likely to be an equal number of Western and Thai tourists which is a nice change from many other locations in Thailand.  There is a 200 baht charge to enter the island which is collected after you get off the boat.  Apparently, the fee is charged to keep the island clean.  While, in theory, I think this is a good idea, in actuality, aside from the beaches which are kept clean, the island is not the cleanest place I've ever seen and I wonder where all the money is really going.

Accommodation

If you are arriving on a weekend, or during a national holiday, you need to arrive early as bungalows can fill up by noon.  It's a good idea to book ahead, if possible.  Prices online are much more expensive than just showing up (because you can bargain for prices), but it does assure you a room.  During the week there's no need as there will be something open.  Almost all of the accommodation choices on Koh Samet are bungalows though there is a resort on Ao Phrao with a (pricey) hotel.  Prices for Bungalows vary depending on the season and holidays.  During the high season, the lowest price for a bungalow is around 500 baht (12 USD), but in the low season, you can get the same bungalow for 250 - 300 baht.   This will get you a double bungalow with sparse furnishings, no TV and cold water.  As it's pretty hot on the island year round, you don't really need a hot shower.  If you want a hot shower, add another 150 - 200 onto the price and if you want a TV, you'll probably spend 1000 - 2000 baht, or more. 

Beaches

All of the beaches on Koh Samet have their own personality.  I'll tell you about a few of them, but for some of them, I have no idea.  The largest beach, and the first one you'll come to after getting off the boat is Hat Sai Kaew.  It's a long, wide beach with plenty of budget accommodation and cheap restaurants. It tends to see a lot of day trippers, backpackers and Thai tourists.  The next two beaches are Ao Hin Khok and Ao Phai.  They are easily accessible by foot from Hat Sai Kaew and all three tend to be quite busy.    There are restaurants aplenty spread out on the three beaches and also a nightly disco at the Silver Sands restaurant that's quite festive and attracts a lot of the resort workers, as well as tourists.  The action starts about 9 pm and continues until everyone leaves.  There are some good deals on Ao Phai bungalows at Jep's (500 - 700 baht) that sit on a hill overlooking the ocean, but they tend to go quite quickly so it's a good idea to book ahead. 

To get to any of the other beaches, you'll need to take a songtaew that trudges along on a dusty bumpy road.  My favorite beach is Ao Wong Deuan (but that's because I have a few friends that work there, not because it's the most beautiful beach.) It's about a 20 minute drive from the dock, but you can also catch a direct boat from the mainland.  This is another reason that I like this beach as it's quite a quick boat.  Be aware that you'll have to climb from one boat to another and then jump in the water to reach the beach, and it sometimes come up to your knees or higher (if you're shorter than me).  It's advisable to wear something that you don't mind getting wet with salt water.  Ao Wong Deuan has plenty of bungalow choices and about half of them are called Seahorse for some reason.  When you get off the boat, on your far left and right are the pricier resorts, the one on the far left is quite expensive.  In the middle behind and around the main restaurant area are the cheaper bungalows. 

There are a string of restaurants on the beach and all of them set up candlelit tables on the beach and serve delicious (and expensive) barbecue.  If you're tired of eating Thai food, you can get a steak and baked potato for a change of pace.  The barbecued squid is my favorite and you can have it spicey (yummy) or not.  The best seat on the beach is on the rooftop of the (surprise, surprise) Seahorse restaurant.  Look up when you are walking around and you'll spot it.  You get a nice view of the water, a great breeze, the food is good and the service, well, no worse than anywhere else.  After your meal, head to the  Baywatch Bar for a drink. The Baywatch is run by a very friendly Dutch guy named Robert.  Stretch out on the bamboo palettes, have a cocktail, play a game or simply relax.  This could quite possibly be the most relaxing bar in Thailand, except for the fact that it has very noisy neighbors who tend to play crappy music (left side) or sports channel (other side).  If you're lucky, the neighbors will have a quiet night and Robert will be playing his great selection of music. 

The beaches on either side of Wong Duean are both a bit quieter and also cheaper.  Both are accessible by foot.  Candlelight beach on the south is the newest area to be developed on Koh Samet and sees a lot of backpacker/hippy types, but apparently also a lot of Thai celebrities.  Strange combination, but interesting at least.  Up north is the quiet Ao Chaw and the even quieter Ao Nuan.  I've had friends stay on Ao Chaw that absolutely loved it, but I haven't tried it myself.

Transport

On the island itself, you can take a songtaew during the day, but if you are on one of the more remote beaches, you're pretty much stuck there at night unless your resort has it's own taxi.  Renting a motorcycle is possible, but the roads are quite bumpy and during a rainstorm can be washed away in parts. 

To get there, take a bus from Ekamai to Ban Phe or Rayong (faster).  If you go to Rayong (2 1/2 hours), you'll have to take a songtaew to Ban Phe (30 minutes) and it can be pretty uncomfortable if it fills up. If you go to Ban Phe, it takes longer (3 - 4  1/2 hours), but the ride is more comfortable.  In Ban Phe there are several docks.  The main one goes to Hat Sai Kaew and the other main one goes to Ao Wang Duean.  The boat ride takes about 45 minutes.  It's also possible to book minivans from Pattaya or Bangkok, or to book a private taxi. 

If you arrive in Ban Phe late and you don't have a booking for the island, there is accommodation available in town.  There are several hotels downtown, but the cheaper ones are cheap for a reason.  The TN hotel is quite dirty and the night I stayed there, the water ran out never to come back.  I wouldn't recommend it unless you are on a really tight budget.  The Queen's Hotel looks clean, but I haven't tried it out.  If you don't mind staying farther from the dock, you can ask a motorcycle taxi to take you to the bungalows next to the English school.  The name is in Thai and I forgot what it is, but the drivers will know.  It'll cost you 15 baht to get there.  They have very clean, but basic bungalows for either 5 or 6 hundred baht/night depending on their mood.  They also have some cheaper rooms in the back. 

Directly across the street is Kai's which is a great place to have a drink.  Go round the corner and you'll come to my favorite restaurant in all of Thailand.  It doesn't have a name, but it's directly across from the English School.  You might meet up with some other westerners there if it's lunchtime.  I highly recommend ordering the somewhat spicy Panang Chicken or, if you can handle really spicy food, the lard nam moo (hand's down the best meal in Thailand.)  If you don't like spicy food at all, try the grilled pork.  It's a family run place with an English menu and they are lovely people.  You might want to check out the English school.  It's a teacher training center for ESL teachers, so if school is in session, there'll be plenty of Westerners running around. 

Koh Samet Websites

Maps, Ferry Schedules and Accommodation (but no booking)
Kosamet
Hotel Thailand

Drunken Shrimp

I'm busy working on updating techie stuff for the blog today, so will "exploit" a friend of mine for this post.  This was sent to me by a friend living in China.  I had the same experience when visiting Hangzhou last year, so I thought I'd share it with you, as well as this picture.












Last Friday night, we were taken to a 'fancy' dinner by our Board Chairman and a VP.  The restaurant was quite nice and we had a beautiful private room with plenty of attention from waitstaff.  As we were all deliberating over the menu choices, the idea of ordering 'Drunken Shrimp' came up.  I'd heard of this specialty before but didn't know what it was so, of course, I asked before weighing in with my opinion.  I was told that the live shrimp are placed in red wine which kills them then they cook.  I thought OK, sounds fine, and told my assistant OK as long as I don't see any living animals. 

She nodded and laughed. Lo and behold, a clear glass dish with glass cover arrives at our table and they tell us it's the Drunken Shrimp.  I can see the red wine with some things inside - still looks harmless as I've grown used to my seafood coming to my plate complete with head and antennas attached.  So, I thought nothing of it until the dish passed in front of me on the lazy-susan center.  The shrimp were moving - either fighting or trying to claw their way out of the dish!  I was shocked and frightened so of course, my hands cover my mouth as I jump backward in my seat - all to the delight of my co-workers who thought it all hilarious! 

Then, after a while, I became as enthralled with watching the shrimp die slowly of poison - some were quite hardy little jumpers or maybe just drunk! Anyway, as might be expected, this was the extent of the 'cooking' that my assistant mentioned.  I had imagined 'cooking' with fire or heat or boiling or something similar - not cooking in only red wine!  Plus, the shrimp had just been thrown in there - not cleaned or anything!  UGH - just in case there was any doubt in their minds on whether I would be trying this new culinary treat, I confirmed it by saying "uh-nuh, nope" which they understood.  They said I had too kind a heart to eat the poor shrimp after watching them die.  They can think whatever they want; I'm not touching them. 

The idea was to put the shrimp, shell, legs and all in your mouth and use teeth to crack the shell.  Then, you're supposed to suck out the body - complete with what the shrimp had eaten inside it's stomach and all it's intestines without being really 'cooked' - in other words RAW!  NOPE! Now, I've become accustomed to eating strange looking things.....pulling apart a crab bigger than my hand with all body parts still attached, digging out the edible parts (which I still must have help identifying the edible/nonedible parts), throwing aside the hard part containing eggs from the female, cracking the legs open with my mouth and digging out meat, etc....Of course, I now know how to tell the difference between male & female crabs also.  Females are primarily eaten in Sept/Oct and males in Nov/Dec.  But, I had a female this time.  I now eat shrimp (cooked with heat) with shells still on - spitting out the shell parts that I don't want to swallow.  I even ate some oyster-like thing with a head with little antennas and eyes - looked like a small alien - we had to swallow it as it was quite chewy......still no idea what exactly the little alien creature was!  I'm not even starting on the myriad of meat I've been served on bones or other weird meat portions - chicken heads, feet, cow hooves, boiled pig skin, etc.  Anyway, my point is that I've become used to strange food on my plate but sucking raw shrimp out of shells minutes after dying is beyond me.

One of Esther's was still moving it's antenna as she picked it up with chopsticks - and she ate it!  lthough the look on her face wasn't too enthusiastic after I had jumped when I saw it still moving!

Good thing is that all of this didn't affect my otherwise delicious meal - anymore than being toasted a million times and having to down 'shots' of red wine everytime someone toasted me.  We had small wine glasses about the size of a shot glass or 2.  Each person makes a toast to one person only at a time and you must drink the entire portion - ganbei!  So, after about 4 bottles for 5 people.........good thing the wine doesn't affect us like it does the shrimp!
(Thanks, Pam)

I'm always jealous of expats who have learned the fine art of sticking a shrimp with shell attached into their mouth and working the meat out of the shell using tongue and teeth and incredible sucking sounds.  It's an art that, though I've practiced quite a bit, I've never mastered.  Likewise I still have difficulty removing meat from a chicken bone without using my fingers, but I have, at least, improved a bit after having lived in Taiwan for five years.